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i just have to grow up!

Below is a list of things i have to do!!:

1) Don't talk about FB things with Darling anymore
2) Don't call her more than 3 times in a row!
3) Let her sleep when she say she is tired!
4) Let her do what she wants!
5) Never force her to do things that she wants to do
6) If she say NO means no.
7) I'll be a YES man from now on. (hopefully it will turns out well.)

i'm heart broken.

Today marks the 3rd year we are together. i'm not happy because she is not; that makes us not happy. it had been quite a dramatic 3years. we were once so happy together. our life circulet around one another. it was a fun and loving experience. All along i love her whole hearted is just the way i treated her that was bad last time because i was too comfortable to the way she love me. i took her for granted. nevertheless, i would say the love stays strong and true till now.

eventually she lost interest in me due to the fact that i took her for granted. its me that i like to hangout with girls because i believe that i know where the line is. so i thought she would be safe and secure with me. she doesn't have to worry and thats where the problem really began. i was wrong to assume about her feelings. that when she started to meet up with friends and make new friends. thats was also when i started to see the changes. initially i was angry about it.. i quarreled with her and talked to her about it. eventually i can't take it and wanted to break up with her in the moment of anger. believe me, i still love her as much.

she just doesn't understand me, instead of talking about it, she chose to abandon this relationship which makes my world crumbles. i really love her a lot and i know my wrong doings, but its too late. after that we got a very tough 6months talking about our relationship because i just don't wanna let it go. in the end, we got back together but the effort from her is never as much as last time.

today, she got new friends, whom i don't know. she looks happier with them. why can't she just bring me into their group so that sometimes when she feel like meeting them and when i feel like see her, all of us can hangout together? i don't want her to make a choice between us. we can all meet and have fun together. isn't that nice? (baby, i'm making my best effort to make our relationship healthier with happiness)

things are turning out for the worst, event a small fight, she wouldn't event have the effort to do something about it. i'm lost. i'm lost i'm lost. i'm just a man who love her. i'm just a man who love her. (baby i love you.)

I love my darling =))

today i went out to celebrate sy's birthday! with my darling. haha. the brithday boy treated us to billy's bomber. was nice and fun. love it. its has been a long time since the last time we had such gathering. =) most important of all.. we end up playing lan! wooo! haha. too bad wq and jx didn't come and join us.

after that, we went to watch soccer match screen at a pub. when we reached there, MANU scored! was damn nice. hahaha. all of us were in thrilled. lol. just checked out cal's blog not long ago. got to know the result was 1-1. it's a draw. =(

things have been working fine between chris and me. she's very understanding and supportive towards me and the relationship. i really love her alot. don't ever wanna lose her. she's my sweet baby. =) haha. i wanna keep my hair long. yes! come on man! all the way! haha.

its kinda late but i'm watching lan qiu huo! lol. =P chris's gonna get mad if she know. shhh.. =P

Nice day. =)

supposed to go payalebar air base with darling as there's a open house going on. but due to a rainy day, the trip was cancelled. and we had out lunch together at west plaza. after that she came to my house and spent the whole afternoon together. =)) was wonderful. i love it and i love darling. =))

time flies today and my party's coming soon. =)) looking forward to it. yeah. its 3.12am now. sleeping!! good night!!

lovely chris.

darling said to me before that she's scared that she would treat me bad after we're together and i scolded her. but now, i'm scared that i'll hurt her badly in the future. she's very good and nice girl. a girl whom i really wanna have and be with for the rest of my life. i want her to be happy and live in happiness. i wanna be the one she need. not the one she's afraid.

i'm happy to have her loving me. for as long as i live. i'll never betray her. i'll never have the intention of hurting her. i just want our love to be simple and sweet. no need to be living in luxury. just in happiness will do.

darling might not know or believe, to me, in my heart, you're truely flawless as a person. but when 2 become one. meaning us. conflicts will come as we have different feelings and mindset. we can compromise yeah? i do believe. =)

you're the one who had touched my heart. and i wanna hold on to you forever. =) i love you darling i really do. haha. =))

today we went to meet her best friend evelyn. yes. she's a nice girl a nice friend. a pretty one. =P haha. darling say she got small appetite lol. and i was like looking at her in stun. =) nice night and she look lovely tonight. yes. =) is hard to update these days as livejournal seems a little laggy. yeah. and in the previous entry i was trying to say  fuck livejournal. yes. =))

FUCK facebook!

FUCK FUCK FUCK! took so long to load. and the past few days also cannot load. KNN! and i'm now really in a bad mood. you can say i'm uneducated or what so ever. i don't care. FUCK is the word that can discribe my feelings now. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! haiz.

I don't understand what's there to worry. she told me that she's not ready. and i ask her why because at least i can understand her and take her reason to rest my heart. but the reason she give me i totally can't accept IT! she told me she's worried about things will change in the future when we're together. she told me that she's not confident that she can be good to me. what the fuck?! how am i able to buy all these reasons? i'm stupid and i'm not emo enough to take in all this.

there's no reason for her to felt this way unless i'm not good enough or i've been doing things that make her feel not secured. but that isn't the case! i want thing to get smooth between us. and happy. there should be any problems between us. if there is, the issue should be something more to reality. more pratical. not something like worried and scared. as if i'm a bad ass. i want her to give all of herself to me just like i had gave myself into her or rather us.

i'm really in a bad mood now. i just wanna be happy. not alone, but with her. together. i wanna love her. please please please. lets just be happy. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!! i don't like all this emo talks. fuck this post. i wanna be feel GOOD! =((

what happened in the past is the past. don't ever bring them into us. i'm not edward. i'm weikee. you're not who you were. you're present. do you understand?!!!!!!!!!! haiz. please be wise and not selfish. i love you darling i love you. =(( HAIZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. serious!! fuck this post!!

In camp.

just did a run with toi, going for duty soon. so just wanna do a update since i got time muahaha.  i'm feeling better today. i'm a kinda of person that can be quite positive i guess. that's a good thing. lucky. =) i can't expect her to understand my need now as i think it will be kinda stress for her if i let her know. so inorder to make things better for the both of us, i'll have to be flexible. i'm quite good at it too. so i'll just have to hold back my urge to love her and also hold back on my expectation. just progress bit by bit from now. yes. that doesn't mean she not important. okie!! its time for duty! bye!


darling told me that i never give her sense of secure. i've said what i have to say, i'm seriously true to her. if she still can't trust me. it will only make me fall back in the long run. as relationship need both parties effort to make it work. yeah. its a logic that everyone know but its never easy. i really love her and i need her. please walk with me and lets hold on to what i trust and believe. =( i only wanna be happy. my hope already become my worry. and that is, 'be happy with you'.

though she already promised me that she won't be pessimistic, i still feel not right, because i think she promise me because i need to heard it. i know is hard for her to change her mindset and worries straight away. so i'll have to wait and see if she really had already trust me. i need a fairy tale love. with no worries but only sweet love. i can have the right to look forward to this because i know i can give her fairy tales. hope she can be the one who can complete my story.

to be honest i'm not as happy as before. because i know she doesn't believe me totally. there's still a little doubt in her about me. i just don't like it when people don't trust me. as if i'm a bad guy. especially her. that really kinda hurt me. i don't want her going around telling people that she don't get a sense of secure from me. making as if i'm not really a good guy for her. i don't know what am i thinking right now. just feeling sad. that's what i'm clear of.

i used to be damn happy when i see her, right now when i see her. yes i'm happy but there always this disappointment. haiz. fuck. please girl please. walk with me. i'll never hurt you. haiz. shit. =( its 2am, walking up later at 6am. shit. shit shit shit. haiz haiz haiz. when i really love you. i need you. i need your hug. just now when you didn't hug me. makes me feel a little weird. should i tell myself to hold back as you're not ready yet. fuck man. i'm simple. i'm true.i just wanna be happy. i really love you.

don't break me apart. please hold me.


After work, i was with darling and her brother at the bus stop waiting for bus. yeah. just wanna see her for the day. and not long after her brother boarded bus 88, melvin came and we saw him. it was a coincidence kinda surprised. we chat a little and not long all of them went off to their destination and as for me i went back home to rest. was about to sleep and mummy came knocking on my door saying aunty jenny's here at our house. so i didn't get much rest as i'm seeing boon and friends at E-hub at 3pm. i was kinda late though. =P

was trying to spin the ball like how the pros are doing, but its kinda hard to catch, shall find out more infomation on how to play bowling properly online when i'm free. haha. after that we had our dinner at a chicken rice resturant kinda expensive for the portion they gives. never mind.

we had a walk together at the nearby park, seeing people fishing and stuff, not long after hanging out around there, we headed home. back at my house, i strip myself off and sleep right away. very tired. woke up at around 8.30pm. had some biscuit and went out for a run. was kinda waiting for darling to call as today didn't get much of her. was holding onto the phone when i'm at home, kinda expecting her call or sms any min.

she sms me around 11pm saying she was back home and damn tired. she wanna sleeps now. thought she might wanna call and tell me. a little disappointed though as it was different from what i was expecting the whole evening. after awhile i'm alright already. can't really get a bad mood over such things whenever it happens. well i guess i just can't have such a need in me as she might not feel the same. i don't want her to feel that i'm a burden to her next time as in like, after some times, she might feel calling me is like a duty. something like that.

called gdine just now, she told me she might be meeting christine on tues and on that day, we're suppose to meet up with calvin and kelly. i don't know i don't know. i told her since she wanna see her then be it. calvin, we can always catch him another day i guess. i'm not feeling right at this moment. a little unhappy. not in a right condition to write anything nice. guess i already take her very seriously in my heart. i don't like it. i wanna be HAPPY! shit shit why am i like that. gotta stay calm.

good night people. =(

Back from duty!

Yesterday was National day! haha. yes yes. and as of today! exactly 10more days to my  birthday! muahaha. 26more days to ord. nothing much really happened yesterday. basically i slept through the whole afternoon. woke up at around 5pm. had my lunch and did my run and skipping. slept at around 12am woke up at 6am for duty and  book out at 10am. accompany darling to wait for bus as she's heading her way to bishan meeting sx. saw her brother just now. yeap. =)

later will be meeting melvin and friends at E-hub playing bowling. just hanging around. haha.darling will be playing pool with her brother later at the same place too but different storey. lol. gdine granddad passed away yesterday morning. yeah. though she was a litle sad but life still move on, she's totally fine. yeah. not very sad.

have to treasure every moment with the one you love. yeap. ok! its time to sleep. Zzz. =)



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